The 12th Step Podcast

Beneath The Outburst: What We're Really Afraid To Feel

In Part Two, we dig beneath the anger and reactivity that so many addicts identify as their “core issue” and uncover the deeper truth: anger is often the smoke, not the fire. We explore how rage, irritation, and a short fuse act as emotional armor, protecting us from the feelings we’re terrified to experience.

This episode looks at why so many people in recovery can understand their healing intellectually but stay emotionally numb, and how this disconnect keeps their partners from feeling safe or connected. We talk about what it means to actually feel again, the discomfort of letting go of emotional avoidance, and the work required to rebuild emotional presence in relationships.

If you’ve felt stuck at the intellectual level of recovery, or if you’re trying to understand the real role of anger, numbness, and emotional avoidance in addiction, this episode will help you finally see what’s underneath the rage, and what healing looks like when it reaches the heart, not just the mind.

The Regulation We Borrow: Narcissistic Traits In Addiction

In this first part of our two-episode series, we take on a topic many in recovery quietly fear: the overlap between addiction and narcissistic traits. Are they connected? Do early patterns of emotional detachment, superiority, and rule-bending feed an addiction, or does addiction reinforce those traits? And what does it really mean when a therapist says you’re showing “narcissistic qualities”?

We explore how control becomes a coping strategy, how addicts often use others for emotional regulation without realizing it, and why these patterns are so common in people who learned early on to hide or ignore their feelings. We also break down the dynamics that show up with spouses and even toddlers, why chaos can feel strangely “calming,” and how external regulation becomes a lifelong pattern.

If you’ve ever feared the narcissistic label or wondered whether these traits tie into your addiction and emotional disconnection, this episode offers clarity, grounding, and hope.

When They Move On: Letting Go with Grace in Sponsorship

In this week’s episode of The 12th Step Podcast, the hosts read a heartfelt letter from Aaron, a listener who’s been in recovery for four years and recently faced an emotional challenge, his sponsee decided to move on to another sponsor. Though Aaron knows it’s “not personal,” he admits to feeling hurt and a little betrayed after investing so much time and heart into helping someone else.

The hosts unpack this all-too-common experience in recovery circles, exploring what it means to give freely without expectation, the emotional bonds that form in sponsorship, and how to navigate feelings of rejection when someone’s journey takes a new direction. Through honest discussion and personal experience, they reflect on the balance between service and self-care, the humility in letting go, and the quiet beauty in knowing that sometimes growth means releasing others with love.

Defining Sobriety: When Sex Becomes the Struggle

In this heartfelt episode of The 12th Step Podcast, the hosts read a letter from a listener who’s grappling with confusion and fear about a possible sex addiction. Together, they dive deep into the difficult questions: How do you know when sexual behavior crosses the line into addiction? Why aren’t medications alone the solution? And what does “sobriety” really mean for someone in recovery from sex addiction, especially when total abstinence isn’t realistic?

With honesty, empathy, and lived experience, the team explores how addiction isn’t just about the behavior, it’s about the pain beneath it. They discuss how recovery is about connection, healing, and redefining intimacy in a healthy way. Whether you’re personally struggling or just curious about the topic, this episode offers clarity, compassion, and hope for anyone trying to understand what true recovery looks like beyond shame and silence.

The Weight of Silence: Shame, Secrets, and Sexualization for the Betrayed Partner

Author and listener Tera Lynch makes a powerful return to the podcast to tackle two incredibly difficult topics she submitted herself. This week, we dive into the profound shame betrayed partners experience when they keep the secret, the painful isolation that comes from keeping quiet. We'll also examine the pervasive sexualization of everything in society and its devastating impact on a partner's sense of self and relationship. Join us for this candid, crucial conversation that brings the unsung struggles of the betrayed partner into the light.

The Betrayal, The Book, and The Power of Healing with Tera Lynch

This week, a familiar name joins us as a guest! We're honored to welcome Tera Lynch, an author, listener of the show, and Betrayed Partner who found her voice through recovery. Tera shares the incredible and difficult journey that led her to write her book, exploring the raw shame and pain she experienced, and how she moved past the victim role. She’s turned the tough questions she sent to the show into a powerful message of healing. Don't miss this deeply personal and transformative conversation.

Starting Over When Everything’s Lost: Finding Hope After Addiction

In one of the most heartfelt letters we’ve received, listener H writes about the crushing reality of losing nearly everything to sexual addiction—career, family, friendships, and a sense of home. The weight of shame, regret, and emptiness can make it feel impossible to even imagine recovery, let alone begin rebuilding a life.

In this deeply compassionate episode, we address the raw question: Where do you start when addiction has stripped away nearly everything? We’ll talk about the first small steps toward sobriety, why hope matters even when you can’t feel it, and how trust, relationships, and stability can slowly be rebuilt—one honest, courageous choice at a time.

This conversation is for anyone who feels too far gone or beyond repair. You are not alone, and there is a path forward, even from the darkest places.

Breaking the Silence: Finding Freedom from Sexual Addiction

In this episode, we tackle one of the most misunderstood and isolating forms of addiction, sexual addiction. Listener Richard asks a brave and important question: How do you approach recovery when the addiction itself is tied to shame, secrecy, and confusion?

We dive into the unique challenges that come with this struggle, why secrecy keeps the cycle alive, how shame distorts self-worth, and what real healing looks like beyond white-knuckling abstinence. Through honest conversation, we explore practical tools for breaking isolation, building accountability, and cultivating healthy intimacy and connection.

Join us as we shine light into one of recovery’s darkest corners and remind each other that no matter the addiction, healing begins when we choose honesty, community, and compassion over silence.

Healing After the Fallout: Making Amends in the Wake of Sexual Addiction

In this deeply personal and powerful episode, we explore one of the hardest parts of recovery, making amends after the devastation of sexual addiction. When lies, secrecy, and betrayal shatter trust, the pain ripples far beyond the person in recovery, impacting partners, families, and friends. How do you begin to rebuild after that kind of wreckage? What does a healthy amends look like when the people you’ve hurt may not be ready—or ever willing—to forgive?

Inspired by a heartfelt letter from a listener named Garrett, we dive into the emotional and spiritual process of accountability, repair, and healing. Join us as we discuss the difference between guilt and responsibility, how to approach amends with humility and patience, and why true healing often starts with giving others the space to heal in their own time.

This conversation isn’t about quick fixes, it’s about courage, honesty, and the long, compassionate road toward redemption.

Discovering IFS: A New Path to Healing and Recovery

In this powerful episode of the 12th Step Podcast, we're joined by special guest Therapist Colby to explore the transformative practice of Internal Family Systems (IFS). Learn how IFS helps us understand the different "parts" within ourselves — and how that awareness can lead to deep healing, especially in recovery. Colby even guides Gary through a brief demo to show how the process works in real time. Whether you're on a recovery journey or seeking emotional clarity, this episode offers a fresh and compassionate approach to healing from the inside out.